I have a terrible tendency to lose motivation for doing things if they don’t feel meaningful and impactful. And by that I mean that I often feel selfish or unproductive if I do not feel like I am contributing something of value to the world. Which is why a lot of drafted posts never make it on my blog, and why I have a complicated relationship with my college career (however, that’s a post for another time).
As you might be aware from at least three other posts I have written, I am a chronic perfectionist. I rarely write anything that I feel would benefit anyone other than myself. While I love the idea of sharing my thoughts with the world, when it comes down to it I don’t feel at all confident that my thoughts are meaningful or helpful to others. Additionally, I tend to write chiefly about the things that I do NOT have figured out. I rarely have solutions to offer or suggestions to make, and when I do I feel like I must be too young and inexperienced for those suggestions to be valid.
I am still trying to decide how and why I want to continue with this blog. Should I continue to use it as a platform for self-discovery and vulnerability no matter how much that makes me cringe and worry that I am being uselessly self-indulgent? Do I shift to using it to make commentary on current events and topical conversations that I feel passionate about? Do I scrap it until I am a little older, and, hopefully, a little wiser?
I don’t want this post to just be me feeling angsty and conflicted about my writing. That would be pointless. I am honestly asking for input, I know only a handful of people keep up with my blog but if those of you who do could tell me what I’ve done best in the past, I would really appreciate it.